Dear Abba

• Posted on sdgale
• in 'CHOP Talk' Blog
• on January 11, 2013
• Comments Off on Dear Abba

Abby of “Dear Abby” fame was asked a question that piqued my interest.  One, because I wondered how Abby would answer it. Two, because I wondered how I would answer it. Three, because I wondered what God would say about it in His Word (hence the clever “Dear Abba” title—Romans 8:15).

Here’s the question.  “What do you say to people when they tell you they will ‘pray for you’ when you’re dealing with an illness or other life tragedy if you are a nonbeliever?” The writer followed up the question with some commentary about a significant portion of the American population not believing.  It wasn’t clear whether it was God they didn’t believe in or just prayer.

I appreciated the question.  I got the impression that the person was sincere in their unbelief.  I heard no belittling of those who do believe.  The writer just wanted to know how to express appreciation for the sentiment proffered without being hypocritical themselves by playing along.  It’s kind of like an overweight woman being asked when she was due.  What is one to say?

In formulating an answer, I tried a bit of role reversal.  “Hmmm, if I were an unbeliever and someone assured me of their prayer, how would I respond?”  My first thought would be to look up and say, “Is that the Goodyear Blimp?”  Hopefully, my distraction tactic would change the subject.

Another option would be to smile, employing the old maxim: “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”  The awkward silence, however, might present its own challenges, especially if it lingered on for two or three minutes until one of us spied an escape route.

But if they insisted on a response, I’d probably just mutter “thank you.”  Obviously, I am one to avoid confrontation in the name of civility.  I would not have written to Dear Abby for guidance in something I planned to evade or at least play down.

Stepping out of an unbeliever’s shoes and returning to my own, I turn to my default course of action.  How would God direct me to respond to someone’s offer of something that I didn’t believe in, such as assuring me they would light a candle for me the next time they were in church?

Actually, I would look to engage the person in discussion.  Avoiding confrontation is not the same as avoiding conversation.  I’d want to talk about it: one, because I’m interested in what makes them tick; two, because I look for opportunities to have conversations for Christ.  It’s hard to have conversations without conversing.

I would probably ask, “What does it mean to light a candle for me?”  My next question or comment would depend on the direction set by their answer.   I’m sure in three or four Q&A flat I can explain the gospel of Jesus as the Light of the world and have them looking to join my church.

That might be a bit optimistic, but I would like to discuss their belief system with them.  I do know this going in, I would treat them as God’s Word directs me in such encounters—with gentleness and respect (1 Peter 3:15) and with patience and careful instruction (2 Timothy 4:2), knowing full well any fruit will not come from my eloquence or persuasiveness but from the direct operation of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 2:3-5).  That takes the pressure off me.

I have to hand it to Abby, though. She gave a great answer, perfect for the nature of her column.  I close with her insight, with some of my pedestrian thoughts in parentheses.

… Because nonbelievers physically resemble those who are believers (I think Jesus spoke of this as weeds and wheat), and nonbelievers don’t usually wear symbols indicating their nonbelief (a fish with feet notwithstanding), it’s understandable that someone of faith would attempt to offer comfort that way. …

When someone offers to pray for you, it’s usually because the person cares about you…and feels helpless to offer anything more to help. Accept it for what it is, and say thank you (I knew I was on the right track!) rather than tell the person that what they offered is, in your eyes, worthless.  That’s called being gracious…

(I wonder what Abby would say about the “Happy Holidays”-“Merry Christmas” debate.  My guess is pretty much the same thing.)